Let's talk about it...

"A teacher who is attempting to teach without inspiring the pupil with a desire to learn is hammering on cold iron" (Horace Mann).

"Hello...can you see me over here...in the corner...that's right the woman that wants to learn?"

*pause*

"Yes you can, so why do you keep shutting me down then every time I talk?"

That's the conversation I should have had with my psychology teacher last night. 

It's so frustrating at times, in many ways the woman is fascinating and I find the whole subject of psychology really interesting. What I do not appreciate are teachers, that ask a question to the room and then fail to appreciate or even listen to the response. What is the point in asking a question if you are not remotely interested in the answer? Unless you enjoy the sound of your own voice so much that the act of asking a question is merely a spring board for you to continue talking? 

Maybe I am being a little harsh but for me learning is an interactive experience. I cannot be talked at, this will teach me nothing other than how to switch off and lose interest! 

I am the same at home, Gavin will quite often become extremely impassioned about a subject. When in the throes of one of these impassioned moments the conversation will very quickly turn from a conversation to a lecture, at which point I shut down because I just feel like I am being 'talked at'. I appreciate that we all feel the need to stand on our soap box from time to time but I am much more of a debater then a public speaker, if you get my gist.

Consequently I am finding it harder and harder to concentrate when in psychology class, last night I just felt myself becoming despondent and restless. So this poses a dilemma, do I broach the subject with my teacher or not? As a teenager I would not have dared question an educators methods, I would have just put up and shut up but that didn't work out so well for me did it?!

I just don't enjoy confrontation at any level, so I may have to work my way up to this one. I'm sure Freud would say that my superego is too controlling and I should let the id take over just for a little while...well at least something is sticking!

You either have 'it' or you don't!

Hallelujah (i think I might actually be having something of a religious moment here), it is done! 

Biology assignment numero uno is complete, done, printed and ready to hand in tonight. I have slaved tireless over the retched thing for the last 4 weeks. Trying desperately to grab every available moment that I could find, even if it meant I was just one sentence further on than I had been the day before. 

We had a few minor setbacks along the way, for example last week when my tutor told me the work I had completed so far was not even of a level 3 pass standard. Well actually, come to think of it, that may have been something of a major setback, I think I nearly gave up on the whole thing. However I am not so easily defeated. 

More detail you want, well than more detail you shall have! Except how to inject more detail into an essay whilst sticking to a word limit? Tricky, tricky! So I have revised said piece at least 15 times. Each time removing more words, whilst desperately trying to keep the detail required to pass the damn thing! Truly an obscenely difficult task, something that requires a certain something, my sister seems to think, you either have or you don't! She inparted this knowledge to me whilst referring to an essay her boyfriend has complied as, and I quote, 'a work of art'. He obviously has 'it', whatever 'it' is?! I wonder if he could teach 'it' to me? Or better still if he could just use 'it' to write my next assignment for me? 

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Oh and just as an after thought. You may want to carefully consider adult learning when the level of support you receive from your tutor, upon asking them how to inject more detail without effecting the word count is (direct quote),

"Do diagrams and tables, they are not included in the word count." 


A woman of few words (well outside the classroom anyway). She clearly has 'it' as well...*sigh*




  

Poo and Pavlov...

I enjoy Psychology, as appose to biology I actually manage to understand 90% of what we talk about in Psychology. It's not that biology isn't interesting you understand, in fact it can, on occasion, be quite stimulating. Take this Tuesday night for example, we were talking about antibiotics and their effect on prokaryotic cells (bacteria and diseases). And I was on fire, answering questions, asking ones of my own...almost like a proper science student. However mostly I am the one, sat at the back, looking ever so slightly confused!

So normally I look forward to Wednesdays, however last night was a real struggle. Having been awake since 5am didn't really help, Emily is teething at the moment and this always has the result of making her bottom really sore. Not helped when said bum is plastered in stinky, horrible poo. She was a braver girl than I can claim to be but once the whole rigmarole of an early morning change was over, she was not as keen as I was to go back to sleep!

So sitting in psychology class, having already been awake for 14 hours, 14 hours that included a trip to the dentist, nursing the poorly bum of a clingy, overtired little girl that managed to produce three more equally stinky and disgusting poo's throughout the day, two loads of washing in a machine that I have now discovered is leaking water (GREAT!), food preparation for child and man, food preparation for myself (once temporary filling had set), then some biology research, a little work on a job application, more washing and finally cooking of the tea. I had just about exhausted all reserves of energy and enthusiasm, including my emergency stash that i normally keep for special occasions only. 

I was in no mood to be discussing the finer points of psychology essay writing, which it would appear is very similar to all other essay writing, with the added pretention of making sure you remember that this is psychology. Our lecturer is great but she can labour a point a little at times, I think we now get that psychology is an extremely demanding subject and that the use of certain terminology will not be acceptable. I think even the dimmest of access student knows in these militantly socially and politically acceptable times that 'RETARD is not really the correct termonolgy but still it's always good to remind us, every lesson! And to be fair I still cringe when my other half refers to people as 'handicapped'. Afterall this is a well read, educated University graduate, so, really, what hope is there for the rest of us?! 

Thank goodness it's half-term next week! 
 

Thank you Mr Brown...

Funny how a moment can change everything!

I was sitting in my biology class last night when I discovered that the only thing worse then the exploration of bacterial cells is the realisation that all the work may be for absolutely nothing.   


We were discussing the governments proposed cuts to NHS funding for training and the lifting of the tuition fees cap. This would mean that Universities could charge whatever they like, possibly somewhere in the region of £7,000 a year. That coupled with the potential rise in interest rates on student loans means that I cannot possible afford to go to University at this time. 

Unfortunately we fall firmly into the category that will suffer the most. We are not poor enough to apply for help but we are not rich enough to afford to pay for the privilege of an education. Especially when my proposed career choice will see my starting salary coming in less than what I owe in fees for the training I had to acquire, in order to work in that job in the first place.

Then there is the other sad truth to be faced, that even if by some feat I found the money to go to University and cover the cost of Emily's child-care, it is likely that there will be a shortage of jobs to apply for. NHS job cuts seem imminent and so people will all be vying for the same jobs, so potentially I could be up against people with much more on the job experience than my, freshly trained, new out of University ass, could compete with! 

Can I get a 'B' please Bob? A 'B' for bo*locks!!! All of it! As you can tell I'm feeling a little sorry for myself today. I am once again a ship without a rudder, and it would appear a sail, a helm, a captain, any oars or a life jacket. 

So basically just me in a big boat, in the middle of the ocean, completely screwed!!!

I had a dream...

What do you think it means when you dream that you keep missing your college classes because you have lost your car and have to search the depths of an underground carpark just opposite your house, that strangely you never notice before now and yet you have lived in the same house on and off for the last 21 years?

That and the fact that when you do eventually find your car you realise that you cannot read your time-table and have no idea what class you are actually late for.

I am no dream expert but I would say that there is a general theme of lost-ness about this dream and that would be about how I felt last night during my Tuesday night biology class. Admittedly I am starting to feel less lost with every passing week but I can honestly hold up my hand (no pun intended) and say that Tuesday night is now my least favourite night of the week - that's right Sunday you have been officially bumped to no.2. At least I am not alone, half, if not most of my class share my general feeling of dispair at the words Biology and lesson when used in the same sentence.

It's not that I don't get the need for cells...without them well we wouldn't exist, it's just why do all their components have to have such complicated names...it's a dyslexics nightmare and I'm not even remotely dyslexic...just a bit durr! 

Chloroplast and cytoplasm, Golgi and mitochondria. The list is endless and then their is my all time favourite the RER...wait for it...rough endoplasmic reticulum, that last one just rolls off the tongue right? Well actually it kind of does roll off the tongue nicely, it's just a bugger to spell and I was worried about remembering how to spell psychology (right first time people, first time...thank you and goodnight)!

Life...work balance?

So we are only two weeks into my course and already I am starting to feel the strain. 

Monday night consisted of a full day with Emily, followed by a full night of Maths at College. 

Last night another full day with Emily, followed by a full night of Biology. Which was cleverly disguised as biology but was actually Maths. Completely lost, at 8 o'clock at night after a long day. Luckily I was not alone. Most of the class looked lost and the lecturer carried on regardless as they so often do. She had a lesson plan and was going to follow it to the mark. Even though it was clear to all of us that we could not complete all the necessary work required in the time she had allotted! Once home, with a little reflection I managed to understand what was required of us and managed to complete the work that I should have done in class. Despite the "Russia' sized headache that had now come to join me in my pain. 

I then managed to drag my sorry self to bed, where I attempted to read something unbiology related for a little while before passing out from exhaustion! 

So clearly, currently, I do not actually have a life in my Life...work balance. I just have a headache, that was still here this morning when I woke up.

Back to the drawing board.

I survived the induction and have embarked on my first week of teaching (well learning in my case). Last night Maths, tonight Biology...tomorrow night Psychology (maybe by the end of the course I will actually be able to spell that first time without the need for spell check).


It's daunting being a mature student, there is so much pressure on you to succeed because unlike last time you were in this situation, you no longer have the excuse that someone is making you be there. You are there through your own choice, you have made the decision to return to education. You are empowered! Or just really, really stressed! And maths and science are that much harder when you have spent all day running around after a toddler who has just grown tall enough to be able to reach the table and the contents that lie on it and has also figured out how the draws in the kitchen work...damn it now I will have to install those safety catches that I was trying so desperately to avoid installing. 


And she gave us homework, on our first week! I thought we were adults on an adult course. Homework?! I think we may have to get ourselves a dog...

All I need is a little faith in me!

So, as of today, I officially became a student, again.

I have enrolled on an Access course at my local College, with the intention of applying to University, to do Midwifery. Five years of study, that's how long this will all take me and I thought I would write a blog to keep me company along the way. 

First day at College, it was a tough one. The reality of my situation is starting to sink in, four subjects this year, biology, Psychology, Mathematics and Study Skills. Then Anatomy and Physiology and...something else either English or sociology next year. 

On my initial assessment I gained a level 1 in Mathematics. I am lost and it would seem have forgotten so much of my GCSE Maths that the C grade I achieved 13 years ago may now be a little redundant. This coupled with the fact that every other person on my course wants to do midwifery and spaces are so limited. If one more person tells me how competitive entry is I think I will dissolve into tears. I just about managed to hold it together long enough to make it through and get home. When I got back I just felt completely despondent and defeated. 

Having had a little more time to reflect though I am not defeated. I will go back tomorrow and have a little faith in myself.