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The power of greatness!

I still surprise myself how surprised I am when I actually achieve what I always knew was actually possible in the first place. Confused? Let me explain. 


I think sometimes we dare not believe that we are capable of great things because as Nelson Mandela said


 "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us..."


Greatness is relative too, some people will achieve greatness through running the country, curing some incurable disease or winning numerous awards for film making, science, art etc... Others will achieve it through the task of bringing a child into the world and raising them to go on to run the country, cure an incurable disease and so on. Most if us though will achieve it through the simplest of tasks, the construction of a piece of ikea furniture or the baking of a birthday cake for a loved one. 


So what exactly is my point? Well last night I discovered I had gained a distinction on my psychology assignment and it got me to thinking that we all have greatness in us and although it's not always apparent or obvious on first sight, people will amaze you and more so, sometimes, just sometimes we will amaze ourselves and when we do well that's just...GREAT! 

DNA anyone?

I am into the second week of my second term and what have I learnt so far?


Well if tonight's biology lesson is anything to go by, not a lot!


I have endured 3 consecutive lessons on diffusion and osmosis and I mean the exact same lesson. Attendance numbers have been down, pre-Christmas and post-Christmas stress maybe? So our tutor felt it necessary to review what we had covered in their absence, twice! I need not have bothered with at least one of those lesson! Especially since I still don't seem to know all the answers, even though I've already been asked the questions.. twice before. *sigh* 


Though once again I am not alone, the silence that descended on the class when faced with a question, any question...well lets just say it was a little uncomfortable. 


However I do now know how to extract DNA from a kiwi fruit using only some fairy liquid, salt, water, rum and a hot bath. I could have a career working for The Body Shop or Lush maybe?! Oh and I got an overall merit grade on my first assignment. I KNOW...I was surprised too. So maybe something is sticking, now I just have to remember it long enough to sit the exam in June! 

Let's talk about it...

"A teacher who is attempting to teach without inspiring the pupil with a desire to learn is hammering on cold iron" (Horace Mann).

"Hello...can you see me over here...in the corner...that's right the woman that wants to learn?"

*pause*

"Yes you can, so why do you keep shutting me down then every time I talk?"

That's the conversation I should have had with my psychology teacher last night. 

It's so frustrating at times, in many ways the woman is fascinating and I find the whole subject of psychology really interesting. What I do not appreciate are teachers, that ask a question to the room and then fail to appreciate or even listen to the response. What is the point in asking a question if you are not remotely interested in the answer? Unless you enjoy the sound of your own voice so much that the act of asking a question is merely a spring board for you to continue talking? 

Maybe I am being a little harsh but for me learning is an interactive experience. I cannot be talked at, this will teach me nothing other than how to switch off and lose interest! 

I am the same at home, Gavin will quite often become extremely impassioned about a subject. When in the throes of one of these impassioned moments the conversation will very quickly turn from a conversation to a lecture, at which point I shut down because I just feel like I am being 'talked at'. I appreciate that we all feel the need to stand on our soap box from time to time but I am much more of a debater then a public speaker, if you get my gist.

Consequently I am finding it harder and harder to concentrate when in psychology class, last night I just felt myself becoming despondent and restless. So this poses a dilemma, do I broach the subject with my teacher or not? As a teenager I would not have dared question an educators methods, I would have just put up and shut up but that didn't work out so well for me did it?!

I just don't enjoy confrontation at any level, so I may have to work my way up to this one. I'm sure Freud would say that my superego is too controlling and I should let the id take over just for a little while...well at least something is sticking!

You either have 'it' or you don't!

Hallelujah (i think I might actually be having something of a religious moment here), it is done! 

Biology assignment numero uno is complete, done, printed and ready to hand in tonight. I have slaved tireless over the retched thing for the last 4 weeks. Trying desperately to grab every available moment that I could find, even if it meant I was just one sentence further on than I had been the day before. 

We had a few minor setbacks along the way, for example last week when my tutor told me the work I had completed so far was not even of a level 3 pass standard. Well actually, come to think of it, that may have been something of a major setback, I think I nearly gave up on the whole thing. However I am not so easily defeated. 

More detail you want, well than more detail you shall have! Except how to inject more detail into an essay whilst sticking to a word limit? Tricky, tricky! So I have revised said piece at least 15 times. Each time removing more words, whilst desperately trying to keep the detail required to pass the damn thing! Truly an obscenely difficult task, something that requires a certain something, my sister seems to think, you either have or you don't! She inparted this knowledge to me whilst referring to an essay her boyfriend has complied as, and I quote, 'a work of art'. He obviously has 'it', whatever 'it' is?! I wonder if he could teach 'it' to me? Or better still if he could just use 'it' to write my next assignment for me? 

--------------------------------------------


Oh and just as an after thought. You may want to carefully consider adult learning when the level of support you receive from your tutor, upon asking them how to inject more detail without effecting the word count is (direct quote),

"Do diagrams and tables, they are not included in the word count." 


A woman of few words (well outside the classroom anyway). She clearly has 'it' as well...*sigh*




  

Poo and Pavlov...

I enjoy Psychology, as appose to biology I actually manage to understand 90% of what we talk about in Psychology. It's not that biology isn't interesting you understand, in fact it can, on occasion, be quite stimulating. Take this Tuesday night for example, we were talking about antibiotics and their effect on prokaryotic cells (bacteria and diseases). And I was on fire, answering questions, asking ones of my own...almost like a proper science student. However mostly I am the one, sat at the back, looking ever so slightly confused!

So normally I look forward to Wednesdays, however last night was a real struggle. Having been awake since 5am didn't really help, Emily is teething at the moment and this always has the result of making her bottom really sore. Not helped when said bum is plastered in stinky, horrible poo. She was a braver girl than I can claim to be but once the whole rigmarole of an early morning change was over, she was not as keen as I was to go back to sleep!

So sitting in psychology class, having already been awake for 14 hours, 14 hours that included a trip to the dentist, nursing the poorly bum of a clingy, overtired little girl that managed to produce three more equally stinky and disgusting poo's throughout the day, two loads of washing in a machine that I have now discovered is leaking water (GREAT!), food preparation for child and man, food preparation for myself (once temporary filling had set), then some biology research, a little work on a job application, more washing and finally cooking of the tea. I had just about exhausted all reserves of energy and enthusiasm, including my emergency stash that i normally keep for special occasions only. 

I was in no mood to be discussing the finer points of psychology essay writing, which it would appear is very similar to all other essay writing, with the added pretention of making sure you remember that this is psychology. Our lecturer is great but she can labour a point a little at times, I think we now get that psychology is an extremely demanding subject and that the use of certain terminology will not be acceptable. I think even the dimmest of access student knows in these militantly socially and politically acceptable times that 'RETARD is not really the correct termonolgy but still it's always good to remind us, every lesson! And to be fair I still cringe when my other half refers to people as 'handicapped'. Afterall this is a well read, educated University graduate, so, really, what hope is there for the rest of us?! 

Thank goodness it's half-term next week! 
 

Thank you Mr Brown...

Funny how a moment can change everything!

I was sitting in my biology class last night when I discovered that the only thing worse then the exploration of bacterial cells is the realisation that all the work may be for absolutely nothing.   


We were discussing the governments proposed cuts to NHS funding for training and the lifting of the tuition fees cap. This would mean that Universities could charge whatever they like, possibly somewhere in the region of £7,000 a year. That coupled with the potential rise in interest rates on student loans means that I cannot possible afford to go to University at this time. 

Unfortunately we fall firmly into the category that will suffer the most. We are not poor enough to apply for help but we are not rich enough to afford to pay for the privilege of an education. Especially when my proposed career choice will see my starting salary coming in less than what I owe in fees for the training I had to acquire, in order to work in that job in the first place.

Then there is the other sad truth to be faced, that even if by some feat I found the money to go to University and cover the cost of Emily's child-care, it is likely that there will be a shortage of jobs to apply for. NHS job cuts seem imminent and so people will all be vying for the same jobs, so potentially I could be up against people with much more on the job experience than my, freshly trained, new out of University ass, could compete with! 

Can I get a 'B' please Bob? A 'B' for bo*locks!!! All of it! As you can tell I'm feeling a little sorry for myself today. I am once again a ship without a rudder, and it would appear a sail, a helm, a captain, any oars or a life jacket. 

So basically just me in a big boat, in the middle of the ocean, completely screwed!!!